Measuring Time After Grief
Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the day our little girl was still born. Of course the whole nightmare began weeks before but this is the day I will remember her on. When thinking back it is hard to believe that it has been a year. First we counted the time in hours, then days.....weeks.....months.....and now years. To be completly honest sometimes it seems like the tragedy never happened, other times it seems more real than I can believe.
The flowers above are the arraingement we had made for Baby Charlsie, my sweet brother picked them up and will take them to her grave tomorrow. As my husband says ,"You know these are for you and not for her." Yes I know it but I need to remember her somehow and plan to do it every year for as long as I can. I wanted something sweet and feminine, something baby like and fresh. I think that this bouquet fits the bill.
Honestly I don't want this post to be all sad. So much good has come from her death. Our marriage was greatly strengthened by her passing. I know that tragedy sometimes drives couples apart but this last year has been the best of our whole marriage, all six years. Our family is closer, we realize what it is to lose a child and I think that makes us cherish our living children even more. It also made us realize that we are not entitled to anything. Only by Gods grace do we live, breath, have healthy children....etc......I'm not going to lie, there have been some very sad days around here, sometimes my emotions do not shape up the way I want them to, sometimes I don't understand why I feel the way I feel, then I am reminded that grief is a strange thing and you really can not predict where it will take you. I am so thankful that we have God during this time, I have thought for a long time that I do not know how people make it with out Him! He has been our strenghth, comfort, and rock! We chose the middle name Grace for baby Charlsie because it was His grace that got us through, and that continues to be the case even to this day!
Because of all this we are so thankful for the new little one growing inside me! We feel so blessed that God would choose to give us another child. Our whole family is more excited that you would believe about this baby. I almost feel like it is a first pregnancy because of the expectancy and joy I feel. I would really like to skip the next few weeks and go to the birth so I can hold this little person and love this baby like I did not get to last time.
I thank all of you so much who have been a support this last year, your love, encouragement, and listening ears have kept us going and gotten us through some tough times!